Valentine’s
Day is this week, so a lot of people are planning a romantic getaway for a
night or two, or maybe longer. Traveling together as a couple is exciting, and
it’s good for the relationship, too, according to research cited recently in USA
Today.
Couples who travel together “can experience greater
romantic and physical intimacy and higher satisfaction with their
relationships,” say the scientists. But any seasoned traveler knows that
romantic getaways can go wrong, just like any other trip, often through no
fault of the couple. Flight delays, overbooked hotels, bad weather…the list of
potential problems is a long one. But relationship experts say that the
benefits almost always outweigh the risks. Here’s why they say traveling
together can be good for couples.
·
Break
out of the mundane. Do
something different while traveling. Step outside the familiar routines of
daily life and immerse yourselves in new experiences. A shared adventure
fosters teamwork as you plan the trip, encounter obstacles and work around
them. Stepping away from your daily schedules and distractions allows you to
focus on each other, leading to meaningful conversations, laughing at silly
moments, and being together in ways that are often hard to do at home.
·
Plan
an itinerary together. Even
if one member tends to be more of a planner than the other, it helps to work
together in planning the itinerary. Agreeing on a solid itinerary before
departing can decrease the chances of conflict on how to spend vacation time.
Make sure each person has the opportunity to enjoy the trip. Having said that…
·
Don’t
be afraid to stray from the itinerary.
Flexibility is key to a couple’s vacation and a healthy relationship overall.
How you deal with flight delays, vehicle breakdowns and the numerous other
pitfalls that you might encounter will determine whether you can have a fun and
memorable trip in spite of the hiccups. Working the problem on your trip can
also help with conflict resolution skills at home.
·
Talk
to each other (a lot).
Communication is mandatory for a successful couple’s trip, especially if this
is your first time traveling together. You’ll both need to adapt to each
other’s habits, preferences and inevitable personality quirks. The cooperation
and mutual support you need on a trip help build trust.
·
Get
a new perspective.
You’ll be seeing your partner in a new light, away from his or her familiar
routine and lifestyle, giving you a fresh perspective. How do they adapt to
stress, handle surprises? Are they willing to dive into new experiences? That
could be something as simple as sampling a new dish at a restaurant or engaging
in an outside-your-box activity. Travel can help reignite feelings of novelty
and spontaneity in the relationship, allowing couples to rediscover each other
in a fresh context.
·
Take
some alone time.
There will be times during the trip when you might want to be by yourself, and
that’s okay, even necessary. Take a walk or a swim, read by the pool or on the
beach, shop, hit the gym. Spending every waking moment with your companion
isn’t a requirement. You’ll feel the need to recharge your own battery.
·
Don’t
set lofty expectations.
Eventually, your vacations will grow into trips that are bigger and better than
the first ones you took. My husband and I took our first trip together to a
resort in Jamaica, and since then we’ve traveled all over the world, climbing
mountains and exploring Tibetan temples. But occasionally we still like a
simple long-weekend getaway, or even a road trip for a night or two. These
types of trips allow couples to reconnect. It’s not about where you go or how
far away it is; it’s about being intentional with your time and creating
memories together.
It
might be a little late to plan your getaway for this upcoming Valentine’s Day,
but there are plenty of days left in the year, and there’ll be another
Valentine’s Day next year. Give us a call and get ready to get away with your
special someone!
Eighty-one years ago this week, the
Academy Award nominations for films released in 1943 were announced. The top
two films, in terms of nominations, were The Song of Bernadette (12) and
For Whom the Bell Tolls (9). But the movie that came next, with 8
nominations, is the one everybody remembers: Casablanca. It would go on
to win Best Picture, along with Best Director and Best Screenplay. The star of
the film, Humphrey Bogart, was nominated but lost out to Paul Lukas of Watch
on the Rhine. Nobody remembers Lukas today, but everybody remembers Bogie.
I’m not a film buff like my husband,
but Morocco is also an intriguing destination because of its history and
culture. When the French colonized Morocco early in the 20th
century, they envisioned Casablanca as the country’s New York, its
international port and economic hub, and the capital of Rabat as its
Washington. Since gaining independence in 1956, Morocco has slowly been
climbing its way up the scale of preferred international destinations, thanks
in part to its close proximity to western Europe, and of course its association
with the movie.
The biggest attraction in most
Moroccan cities is the medina, the walled historical center of the city. With
labyrinthine streets, quirky restaurants and unique shopping opportunities, the
medina of a Moroccan city is often the most interesting place to visit. Many
cities are now refurbishing old buildings in their medina and converting them
into boutique hotels. Graham Cornwell of the Washington Post recently
wrote about his trip to Rabat, in which he described a morning stroll along Rue
Bouqroune: “…vendors line both sides of the street, where you’ll encounter half
a dozen varieties of mint piled high on little tables, silver sardines on big
trays of ice, and beautiful ‘heidi’ eggs still with traces of feathers stuck to
them.”
Rabat also boasts ancient ruins
dating back thousands of years, as do many other Moroccan cities. These
historical locations, many of them preserved as UNESCO World Heritage sites, tie
in well with the country’s many and widely renowned museums and art galleries.
In
Casablanca, the medina is smaller than those in other major cities (about 125
acres) and its charm carries the visitor away when you pass through its gates.
It’s essentially a large bazaar, where you can get everything from native-made
leather goods and rugs to spices, linen, antiques and so much more. In Arabic,
the place is known as a souk, which makes it even more exotic.
Where
can visitors to Casablanca find Rick’s Café Americain, where much of the action
in the film takes place? The movie was filmed entirely in Hollywood, but about
20 years ago, some restaurant entrepreneurs opened Rick’s Café Casablanca near
the harbor and right on the edge of the medina. The café’s interior is a
faithful replica of the movie set, there’s music and high-end dining, but no
back-room casino. Reservations are required, and there is a dress code.
Ready
to go to Morocco? Give us a call, and when you get to Rick’s, toast your
companion with the classic line, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”
My husband
subscribes to a Substack written by Sean Dietrich, who lives in Alabama. The
title is “Sean of the South,” and in his columns, Dietrich writes movingly
about his observations of life. Dave passed this one on to me because it takes
place on a plane, and I had to share it with you. Get some Kleenex ready.
I’m on a
plane awaiting takeoff. My carry-on bag is above me in the compartment. A
compartment which, according to FAA regulations, is slightly too small for
everyone’s carry-on bags.
There is
an old man behind me trying to force his oversized roller-suitcase into storage
by throwing his bodyweight against his luggage like a first-string tackle. But
his efforts aren’t working because his carry-on is about the size of a Honda
Civic.
But God
love him, he’s trying.
A few of
us passengers help him out, although we are not strong enough to bend the
immutable laws of physics.
In the
process of helping, the old guy and I make friends. I’m guessing he’s
mid-eighties.
“Hi, I’m
Art,” he says cheerfully, and I smell nothing but Old Spice. He answers
everything with a strong Midwestern “Youbectcha.”
“I’m from
Wisconsin,” he adds.
“I’m from
Alabama,” I say.
He nods.
He thumps his chest and starts the conversational ball rolling. “I was married
fifty-nine years.”
“Really.”
“Ohyoubetcha.”
“That’s
amazing.”
“Well, I
learned a long time ago that marriage is just an agreement between two adults.
You don’t try to run her life, and you don’t try to run yours, either.”
We fall
silent while the plane achieves liftoff. But not for long. He tells me about
his wife.
“She was
Korean. Met her when I was in the Air Force. The last thing I thought I’d do is
get married, but, hey, I fell in love. She was the prettiest woman you ever
saw.”
He goes on
to tell me the whole love story. He tells me how he met her when he was a GI,
and how he fell for her gentle spirit, her sable hair. He speaks of how she
grew up in horrific poverty, of how she was an incurable optimist in the face
of loss.
“...And
she was smart. Spoke four languages. And when she sang in Korean, it melted
you. Shoulda tasted the food she’d cook. God, she was a spectacular cook.”
He pauses
and looks out his window. About 40,000 feet below us is the earth.
“She was a
great woman,” he says.
Was.
His
cheerful mood is suddenly dampened. And just like that he’s done talking. He’s
tired. He sleeps. He gently snores.
And I’m
wondering what a guy does after losing his wife of 59 years. How does he
carry on? How does he sleep in an empty bed? How does he eat supper alone in
the deafening quiet?
The plane
lands. We deboard.
And I am
impressed with how strong the old Wisconsinite is. He unloads his carry-on bag
from the overhead compartment and hobbles through the passenger boarding bridge
like a man twenty years his junior.
I am
starting to feel bad for this lonely man until we filter into the crowded
terminal where I see two arrestingly beautiful middle-aged women waiting to
meet him. The women confiscate his bags and throw their arms around him.
“Daddy,”
they both say.
As I walk
past the old man on my way to my next terminal, he and I lock eyes briefly. “It
was nice meeting you,” the man says to me. “You take care now.”
I smile. “Youbetcha.”
Take a moment and check your driver’s license. If it has the
star in the upper right hand corner, you can pass on this newsletter and
congratulate yourself for having gotten the Real ID. But if there’s no star,
then read on.
The
star is the Real ID symbol, and it’s displayed a little differently in each
state. (Wisconsin and Minnesota have the star inside a circle; California’s has
its inside a bear, the state’s symbol.) Many of us have had them on our
driver’s licenses (or state-issued ID cards) for years. The Real ID Act was
made law in 2005, mandating that people without the star would be prohibited
from flying domestically or entering certain federal facilities. But Congress
gave everyone plenty of time to get it done, with the law setting a 2020
deadline for compliance. That was pushed back to 2025, thanks to backlogs at
state motor vehicle departments and, of course, Covid.
Well,
2025 is here, and if you don’t have a Real ID yet, now is the time to get one.
The
origin of the law goes back to the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01. The commission
that investigated the attacks recommended that the federal government “set
standards for the issuance of sources of identification, such as driver’s
licenses.” The 2005 law established minimum security standards for states to
use when issuing a Real ID card to a person. Also, certain federal agencies
were prohibited from accepting IDs that were issued by states which did not
meet the standards.
It
sounds a lot more complicated than it really is. (Imagine that.) Every driver’s
license expires after a certain period of time. In Wisconsin, it’s typically
about eight years. We all know the drill: go to the local DMV office, maybe
fill out a form and pay a small fee, and our new license is issued, usually
sent through the mail. The new license may have a different style than its
predecessor. We probably had a new photo taken for it, or change of address.
New security features could be added. And, hopefully, we made sure it has that
Real ID star in the proper corner (upper right in every state).
But
getting the Real ID hasn’t been a requirement, necessarily, just a pretty good
idea. Now, the calendar has turned to 2025, and May 7 is just about four months
away. That’s the date the law takes effect nationwide. Any traveler aged 18 or
older who doesn’t have another TSA-approved form of identification, such as a
passport, must have a Real ID-compliant identification card or driver’s
license. If you don’t have one and try to go through security at the airport,
you’ll be turned away, no matter where you’d been planning to go, or how much
you’ve already paid for your flight and other expenses, such as a cruise.
Maybe
you don’t want to take the time to get your license renewed, and Real ID
certified, until your birthday, when the current card expires, and the big day
is sometime after May 7. Okay, but if you plan to fly before your birthday, you’ll
need one of the TSA-approved substitutes, such as a valid passport, from the
U.S. or another country. Other documents on that list include a DHS trusted
traveler card, such as Global Entry; a Department of Defense ID for military
personnel and their dependents; a border crossing card, or others that are
listed on the DHS website, www.dhs.gov.
If you
don’t have your Real ID yet but would like to get one, check with your local
DMV office for a list of documents you’ll need. At a minimum, you’ll need to
provide documentation with your full legal name and date of birth, your Social
Security number, and proof of current address. Wisconsin’s Department of
Transportation has a link prominently displayed on its website, www.wisconsindot.gov, that will even
allow you to schedule your visit to the nearest field office. Once you’ve done
all that, it will take up to 2 weeks for the new card to arrive in your mail.
So, if
you don’t have one and you plan to fly anytime on or after May 7, it’s time to
git ‘er done, as Larry the Cable Guy says. Need help with your travel
documents? We’re here to make sure you have everything you need before you head
to the airport. Give us a call!
Sue Tindell